Overcoming my Quarter-Life Crisis: Gatorade and Aspirin are a Girl’s Best Friend

During this amazing transition time between immaturity and adulthood, you can still get away with doing certain things before it’s too late. One of those things is being able to go out to bars and clubs without being looked down on, but it’s important that you learn how to do it the right way. In the past it was a much more acceptable action. You would spend hours getting dressed up, pre-gaming all night, and then sloppily heading to the bar where you end up spending all of your money for the week. You may have experienced on a regular basis, talking to random people all night with no filter, falling on the dance floor, and/or puking on the sidewalk as you stumble out of the bar. It’s time to put your big-girl pants on and learn how to do it the right way, because you only have this little window where it’s still acceptable for you to go and do things that are fun. Doing things you don’t want to, because you have to, is the definition of “adulting”. Before you make the solid transition into a boring, mundane lifestyle, you need to learn how to survive a night of drinking out in a classy manner.

Step one: Sleep, water, and food. 

You should have learned your lesson by now that before you go out for a night of drinking, you need three things: to be well rested, hydrated, and filled with food. By accomplishing these three things, you will avoid passing out, a huge hangover, or puking on the sidewalk outside of the bar. The best way to prepare is to go out and treat yourself to a nice big protein-packed dinner. You can have a beer with dinner. You’ll need it to become sleepy, because right after dinner you will get home to take about an hour nap. Now this part is key. Do not overeat. If you do, then you’ll risk a food coma and you won’t wake up from your nap. Or worse, you will wake up and want to continue to sleep the whole night through. Make sure to set an alarm. When that alarm goes off that’s when you need to have an entire bottle of water. I’m not talking about a glass of tap water. Go and get yourself one of those fancy waters with electrolytes in it because you’re starting to get too old for this shit. You need your vitamins! Now that you’re awake and hydrated, you can take a shower, pick out your outfit, do your makeup, fix your hair, and by that time it’ll be closer to that eleven o’clock sweet spot when everyone has started packing into the bars. You can show up in the prime time of the night. There’s no reason for you to show up at eight and shut down the club at 3 a.m. The real fun happens between eleven and one anyway.

Step two: Wait to drink out.

Your pre-gaming days are over! There’s no reason for you to be that drunk. The goal here is to have enough alcohol in your system to get rid of that little bit of initial anxiety. Which can be easily done with two drinks at the bar. Then, you will be comfortable enough to go up and talk to random people, because that’s always fun, or if you’re like me, you have to have a few drinks so that you can bust a move on the dance floor. If you force yourself to wait to have drinks at the bar, there is a higher chance that you will not over drink. Your salary does not support disposable income. The only reason you bought so much alcohol in the past is because you were in college and your budget consisted of food and booze. In a way, you are forcing yourself into responsible decision-making. It’s a great skill to acquire. We’re having fun and learning stuff!

Step three: Take an Uber.

Uber is a great tool, use it. This tip is also going to prepare you forcefully into adulthood. When you arrive alone, and you have the option to leave alone, you are going to act more responsible at the bar. When you assume the responsibility of your own caretaker for the night, you can get drunk enough to have a great time but not sloppy enough to fall in the middle of the dance floor. When you leave that bar and you pull out your phone, your eyes will need to have enough focus to call yourself an Uber. The option of taking Uber also eliminates the obvious no-no: drunk driving. Or getting a designated driver who ends up more wasted then you at the end of the night, who won’t shut up; “I’m not even drunk, I only had a few shots.”

Making the transition to adulthood is tough. You wont necessarily survive a night of drinking in a classy way the first try, or even the third try. But, hopefully these tips will help you make a few better decisions while still having a great time. Let’s face it, that Redbull and vodka pursed to your lips is a recipe for disaster. If you start the night out that way, just accept failure. I know I do.

 Like what you read? Check out more blog posts like this one by visiting “Overcoming my Quarter-Life Crisis”

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